Do you really want to sit there?

As someone who suffers from claustrophobia, taking public transit can be quite precarious. I am not the kind of claustrophobe who usually panics in elevators or similar small places. Rather, my panic ensues when these small places become overwhelmed with people.

The worst is sharing my personal space with strangers. I detest touching random people. I am the kind of person who will sit with one cheek hanging off the seat in order to not graze legs with the person seated beside me.

I am never lucky with my seat partners either. I never get the petite nicely dressed lady, or the Armani clad Chris Martin look alike with the pink tie. Instead, I get the big macho guy who sits with his legs spread so far apart that I am crushed against the bus wall, or the guy who ate twelve cloves of garlic for dinner the night before.

I sat beside this guy once, who had such bad breath I was forced to open the window. People glared at me as our hairdos collectively swirled around in the mini hurricane I created, but I didn't care. I was certainly not going to close the window.

One of these days I swear I am going to pass someone a stick of gum. They will most likely respond with a pleasant "Oh, no thank-you," of which I will continue with an "I insist, really." "No, really I don't want any", they will forcefully respond back, when I will be left with no alternative but to manually shove the stick of gum in their mouth. The transitites around me will jump up onto their feet in applause, commending me and my daring effort. From then on all buses will be outfitted with complimentary and compulsory breath mints upon entry. I will forever become known as the mademoiselle de l'ouest who saved transit.

As for the Chris Martin look alike? He had a rather unfortunate mishap. As his Armani overcoat was about to tumble onto the bus floor, he reached up out of his seat to catch it, only discover as he sat back down that his seat had flipped back up against the wall leaving him to fall full force on his ass.

He should have sat beside me.